Diabetes Blog Week Day 3 - Cleanin' Out My Closet

Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out.  What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out?  This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to.  Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it?

I don't think I ever quite forgave my pancreas for leaving me. For packing its bags and stealth-sneaking away in the middle of the night. No note. No goodbye kiss. It left. Just like that. I had a working pancreas, then I didn't. I should've microchipped the damn thing. Maybe in 10 years time I would get a call to say it had done an 'Incredible journey' Chance, Sassy & Shadow style and found its way home.

I just kind of shoved those feelings of abandonment deep into my closet, like so many pairs of shoes I didn't want my husband to know I bought. 

So maybe it’s time I light up the funeral pyre and let it go. But with much less singing. I don't actually like Frozen and I find it repugnant (New favourite word) that I know what that song even is. 

I’ll pick a funeral home. Write my Eulogy. Eulogy to a dead pancreas.

“Today we mourn my dear, beloved, dead pancreas. He was a good pancreas, a hard working pancreas, who was taken at the prime of his life, at the tender age of 22. I close my eyes and imagine that he was needed for a higher purpose. I imagine he fulfilled his purpose here in this life, and got be reincarnated as a higher life form. Maybe a heart.   Perhaps, in another life, I will see him again.

I am greatful for every moment we got to spend together. We ate a lot of cake together. It was his favourite food. Indulged in chocolate. Sometimes we even ate potato together. Mostly I miss the way he would let me eat popcorn. I miss eating popcorn with my pancreas. 

We took holidays together. He never brought a ticket, I would just smuggle him through the airport security in my stomach. 

When someone you love passes away, there is a strong temptation to remember them perhaps a little too well. Misdeeds are forgotten. Offenses are forgiven. Only the most shining characteristics of our loved ones make it into the version of them that we keep with us when they depart. My pancreas’ only fault was in leaving me behind, to toil without it.” 

At this point I’ll probably start wailing hysterically and beat upon the tiny tiny coffin I will buy for it. By coffin I mean shoe box. It costs a lot of money to take over your own pancreatic duties, I can't afford a coffin.

I suppose there will be a wake. People will bring me cards and flowers and cry. I have already cried hysterically and mourned, so I will probably just walk around, happy as larry, trying to find the cake people bring you when you’re upset. For now, seeing as I am pretending to bury my pancreas today, I will just eat my leftover wedding cake. I bet my pancreas regrets leaving me now. My wedding cake is delicious (White chocolate and honeycomb with apricot buttercream, anyone? I can see you salivating).

Farewell, Sweet Pancreas, Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Diabetes Blog Week Day 2 - Wildcard - Diabetes Personified

If you could personify your diabetes or that of your loved one, what would it be like?  What would it look like, what would it say, what kind of personality would it have?  Use your imagination and feel free to use images, drawings, words, music, etc. to describe it.

I don't know if I have ever properly introduced my diabetes to you. If everyone could please welcome Morty. By please welcome, I mean make sure you pay him heaps of attention because he gets cranky if you ignore him. 

Why Morty? Basically my diabetes is Voldemort. Aged 3. Just to creep you out, someone actually imagined Morty as a toddler already. I did warn you, so don't come to me with your nightmares.

Morty likes his nap-time. He has a favourite song. Low,by Flo-Rida. 

My diabetes is a bit needy. He requires attention all the time. And constant care-taking. I'm pretty sure I was making my own bed at 3, but he still requires me to do absolutely everything for him. "Give me insulin, give me food, It's 3am and I'm supposed to be asleep but FEED ME NOW, take me for a walk". You can't mistake that whiny voice. He's a bit spoilt. 

He's also got a bit of a mean streak. Got a little bit of that psychopath vibe going on. I can't turn my back on him, because he might try to kill me. It's a little unnerving really. If I could leave him in a dumpster I would. 

But he also has a softer, giving side. He has some great life-coaching skills. And he's a bit of a social butterfly. 

World, meet Morty. Morty, play nice with the world.

Diabetes Blog Week Day 1 - Can

In the UK, there was a diabetes blog theme of "I can...”  that participants found wonderfully empowering.  So lets kick things off this year by looking at the positive side of our lives with diabetes.  What have you or your loved one accomplished, despite having diabetes, that you weren't sure you could?  Or what have you done that you've been particularly proud of?  Or what good thing has diabetes brought into your life?

As soon as I read this topic my mind immediately flashed to the story of the little engine who could. I've had that little train running through my head thinking he can for about half and hour now, and I kind of wish he 'could' in someone else's mind. I'm seriously nearly reverting to watching that horrible 'Cat Dance' youtube clip. (If youdon't know what I'm talking about and want a dancing cat in yourbrain for the next 3872 days, go ahead and click).

I know there's plenty of things that 'I can' with diabetes. Most recently someone my amazing husband agreed to marry me. I got through the entire ceremony and reception without a hypo. I didn't think I could do that, but I did.

But I want to focus on something 'I can' in the future. Because all the stuff in my past, is already stuff that I could.

One of the big things I want to do with my life is go swimming with sharks. With the teeth and the sharp and the evil little eyes. I must do this, so I've decided I can do this. I don't know how it works with Diabetes, but I'll figure out a way. And since my wedding is over now, I actually have free time with which to research this sort of stuff. Oh, Free time, how I have missed you (Side note to anyone getting married: If you think you want a DIY wedding, make sure you don't also want a life).

Back to the shark diving. Definitely something I can do. I'd be interested to see what the depth is on the new 640G and how far underwater the CGM works. I'd guess just out of the range I want as I'd be more inclined to do a shark dive in an aquarium – where there's nothing separating you from the sharks, rather than a cage dive. My goal is to do both.

One day I hope to be doing a post on how to shark dive with T1D. And hopefully that one day is soon.

How being Ugly and a Pizza caused my Type 1 Diabetes

I like movies alot. So much so that I did a degree in making movies. As it turns out I just like watching them, not making them.

I think I watched 3 movies in the cinema this week. It may be because I like movies. It may also be because I am doing whatever I can to avoid having to write my vows. I know, I know, I'm so good with words, why would that be hard? It is. I am a very sarcastic person normally. You might have noticed in previous posts. So the challenge for me is to not make a joke of my vows and actually act serious.

I'm getting off track. I watched 3 movies last week. Cinderella. Avengers. And The Duff.

If you believe the duff, you can get pizza-induced diabetes. I think I should have been cranky about the ridiculous joke, but it was so absurd, I actually laughed at someone making fun of diabetes.

So naturally, I have compiled a list of reasons, according the media/your grandmother/T.V and even the waving cat on my desk, that I have diabetes:

1. Pizza. As given to us by the Duff. At least getting diabetes will be delicious.
2. If you believe the new Priceline Advertisement currently playing on TV, Beauty and Health go hand in hand, and you can't have one without the other. Yes, they actually say that. So there you go, I just have diabetes because I'm ugly. But I'm sure once I cake myself thick enough in beauty products my pesky little diabetes problem will go away. So there's hope.
3. My parents clearly just fed me sugar all the live-long-day when I was a kid. Vegetables? Never touched the stuff. Actually, this isn't far from the truth. Just replace every food you can think of with chicken nuggets and you have my childhood diet. Not because my parents were bad parents, but because I was the worlds fussiest child. And I would actually let myself be starving rather than eat something I didn't like. And all I liked were chicken nuggets.
4. I was born with it. Its like a birth defect or something. That they just didn't notice it for 22 years. Surprisingly, this is a very common misconception about how I came to have T1D, I guess because people learn there is a small genetic component in some cases.
5. I just need to run around more. If I wasn't so lazy, I wouldn't have diabetes. Well, I got it now, so I may as well just go lay on the couch forever. And ever. And ever. I'm just assuming my body is psychic and can tell that I will be less active in the future, and thats why I got diabetes back when I was running an hour every day.
6. I looked at a cupcake once. Instant pancreas shut down. Those sugar-laden cakes of yumminess should probably be subject to legislation about packing and contain health warnings. They should also be kept behind the counter with the cigarettes and sold to people over the age of 18 only and not to be consumed within 10m of a child. Think about the poor, diabetic children!



Any readers got any absurd reasons for why you have diabetes?

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Last Night's Reason Why I'm Hypo:

I went shopping yesterday for last minute wedding stuff. Why would it not have a carry-on effect through until 4am?

Diabetes Wedding Prep

There's a countdown in my diary. 17 days to go. With 17 days to go I visited my educator to kick my diabetes into gear for the big day. I certainly don't want to be nursing highs or lows on my wedding day.

When my H2B & I started planning our wedding, we knew we had to consider how Morty (my diabetes) would react to certain elements of our wedding. We knew he would insist that he was included in the big day...he's kind of the page boy we never wanted. I wouldn't doubt that he'll somehow cause our wedding rings to mysteriously disappear.

Our wedding date, whilst it seems like a random draw date wise, was actually carefully planned. Morty doesn't like it when the weather is hot. He gives me hypos. Morty doesn't like it when the weather is cold. Morty demands the weather be juuuust right. Oddly, Diabetes was actually a help because as it turns out, if we had had a summer wedding I would have had to get a different, less suffocating dress. And I rather like my suffocating dress.

When discussing our ceremony time with my DE, she recognised a sudden drop that I get most afternoons. This sudden BGL drop just so happens to coincide with my ceremony time. So we've cut back my basal around this time and I'll be happy to run just a little bit higher than normal (between 6 - 10 will be my goal) for the afternoon.

In order to allow me to forget Morty as much as possible on the big day, H2B  & I basically used our menu tasting as a diabetes test run. We counted carbs and insulin given and BGL reaction for everything we ate so I don't have to do it again come our wedding day. Now I just have to dig that information back up...

As a diabetic bride to be, I have added a few extra things to my list of things to keep with me when getting ready - "Poppers with staws" Check. Straws a definite so I don't ruin my lipstick during a hypo. "Finger wipes" Check. One of my biggest fears about the wedding day is that I will accidentally wipe my bloody fingers on my dress after testing. I've had nightmares over it.

Then comes the part where I divvy up my needed items between the groom and father of the bride. Both of them will be carrying 1 testing kit and 1 hypo treatment in their suit jackets each. I am having a pocket sewn into the very bottom of my dress to house my pump in, but theres no room for Jellybeans or a testing kit. My dress is so form fitting I can't bend over to reach the pocket anyway. I've scheduled a time with my Bridesmaids to give them a crash course in bolusing off my pump - because they will be the only ones who can reach it.

But probably the weirdest thing I have had to consider in accommodating diabetes into my wedding day is actually the effect it has on my drivers licence. Every year I get my medical certificate renewed for driving at the end of April. So at the end of April the government is insisting on wasting the taxpayers funds to print me a new licence which will be valid for all of 4 days before I have to go through the whole licence process again for my name change. I called and explained and asked for an extension. Nope, none granted.

Being a diabetic bride certainly has its challenges, with just that extra 20% of planning to make sure the big day goes as smoothly as possible. But I'm super excited - I've done the prep to make sure I can have as much of a diabetes-free-day as possible. Plus I made a super cute wedding skin for my pump, so that's exciting. And yes, you can see pictures, after the wedding.



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Today's Reason Why I am Hypo:

I felt cold so I took a warm shower. The most annoying part was that I felt the hypo symptoms when I had only managed to shave one leg. I guess I'll have to take another shower later so I can shave the other leg. Until then, I guess deforestation is only half complete.

Diabetes Control: As Easy as ABC

My H2B (that's Hubby-to-Be in Bridespeak) likes to watch ABC for some reason that I can't quite grasp. I strongly suspect he's under the illusion that they're more truthful. Or he just likes watching old people talk in monotone, maybe its a soothing thing to him.

Yesterday, he put on ABC as he does in the middle of the day on a weekend. They advertised a segment to appear last night on diabetes and a 'miracle cure'. My spidey sense was tingling, alarm bells were ringing and the word poppycock flashed into my mind in Neon letters.

So at 9.30pm last night I settled down with a big bowl of popcorn, prepared for some entertaining comedy. I lie. I didn't have popcorn, can't eat the stuff because it tops out my 'reasons why I'm Hypo' list.

As predicted, ABC had no idea what they were prattling on about. Everyone listen up, Blueberry Tea is gonna kick your diabetes into gear. That's actually a new one. Hallelujah we are saved!! The Menzies institute has your back. If you look up the Menzies institute and search for their diabetes research you are met with this very succinct and to the point description of how they interpret diabetes: 'Diabetes is a disease'. Their words radiate such a strong understanding of my medical condition, so I'm definitely going to just shut up now and drink the blueberry tea.

Sorry I lie again. Seems to be a problem with me tonight. I'm not going to drink the blueberry tea. Because blueberry tea is not going to cure or help my Type 1 Diabetes, as ABC so informs me:  "A herbal tea with blueberry as its base has attracted the attention of medical researchers at the Menzies Institute for its potential to reduce insulin dependence in diabetics."

Not only are they blanketing all types of diabetes again, but they specifically mention insulin dependence, which lends people to relate the report more towards people with Type 1 Diabetes. The article is based off a single-person case study - an elderly Type 2 patient on insulin. They also talk to a nutritionist who says she has done some trials of her own and that those who drank the tea had better glycaemic control. I'm no medical officer, but if patients have bothered to go to a nutritionist, it is likely that they have made other significant changes to their dietary habits alongside drinking the tea that would aid glycaemic control.

How does this miracle cure work, you ask? A senior researcher has the very simple answer: "The tea has enabled that hormone, insulin, to improve glucose uptake into muscle and by doing that it lowers blood glucose levels and it does that by stimulating blood flow,".  How amazing, so does Viagra. Basically, if the ABC are saying a healthy lifestyle will help to aid control in diabetes, then the article is not really telling us anything we don't already know.

As a person with Type 1 Diabetes I only have 1 point to make really. Don't drink the tea. Well you can, but only drink it because you like to drink tea. Don't stop taking your insulin. We're called insulin dependent for a reason. Because our insulin-producing beta cells are effectively dead. You can test it out if you want - go dig up your poor old dead bunny Flopsy from the garden and give her a hit of this so-called good stuff. Chances are, if Flopsy doesn't come back to life spontaneously, neither will your beta cells.

The 'Healthy' Experiance Day

There's this funny thing happening lately in society (or, at least, the part of society that lives on social media).  I really only thought about how odd it is today. I had a friend on Facebook make a comment on how her day was going, as people do. It started with 'Had a healthy lunch!" followed by a description of her driveway or something equally as everydayish.

I just can't understand how it is that eating healthily/exercising/doing the right thing for your body is now something that we brag about it in society. It's almost become some sort of unusual activity that people do 'just to try' or for 'fun'. I can picture in conversations that one woman might turn to another and go "Oh, you'll never believe what I did last Tuesday! I ate some cucumber. It was very fresh, I might try it again some time".

Being healthy should be a normal part of a day, not something that's actually worth mentioning. Of course, mentioning it must obviously be a motivator to some people. And to some people being healthy is a hobby. So long as you are doing the right thing by your body, I will continue to put up with the 'I ate a salad and did a 5 minute walk' statuses if it gives the status-maker the push they need to eat better and exercise every day.

Doing what's right for your body should be easy, not hard. It shouldn't be something that we have to talk up in order to make people want to treat their body right. We are so saturated in society with images of how easy it is to just go get takeaway. In reality, I find that most of the time its much quicker to whip up something simple. Wraps can take me just 15 minutes to make, including cooking a meat filling and cutting salad. In comparison, take-away foods mean having to put on pants (yes, kicking off pants as soon as you get home is a thing with my generation. I'm sure when you visit old folks' homes in 60 years time, all us elderly folk will be walking around pantless), gather my stuff together, leave the house in search of take-out, order and wait for take-out to be cooked, come home and eat.

Schools teach a lot of subjects simply for the sake of making sure students are able to learn to retain information. Imagine if we swapped out things that might not be necessary to learn to subjects that could help not only students live well in the future, but society as a whole? Do I really need to know when Captain Cook landed in Australia? Its a neat little fact to know if you intend on making a career out of trivia nights. I honestly don't know when he landed, so I really hope it's not something I need to know in order to successfully reproduce or anything important in life.

 Imagine if we taught our kids how to shop smart, cook smart and live healthy? I don't remember making anything involving a salad or vegetables in home ec - but baking scones seems to be an essential life skill.

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Reasons Why I Am Low:

It was 5pm. Any excuse for a party.

Reasons Why I'm Hypo

I'm going to start a new segment that I add to the bottom of my posts. I'm going to model it off the brilliant blog, 'Reasons My Son is Crying'. Cos the reasons I hypo are pretty much reasons why a 2 year old cries.

To kick it off, Today I am hypo because I paid off my car loan.

Walked into Commonwealth Bank on 6.5. Walked out of Commonwealth Bank 10 minutes later on 3.2. Minus one car loan and also minus a juice box.

I'm a free woman, which is apparantly something my diabetes does not agree with.

The Scream

All pumpers have a secret fear instilled upon us. A fear that one day, we may drop our pump in the toilet bowl.

Today, my fear came true. The clip lost its grip on my pants, and my pump took a dive straight down. I watched in horror as it fell. I might have screamed. My hands worked overtime in ultra-speed to grasp at the tubing. But it still went in for a short dip. In less than a second I had jerked it back up and rushed it over to the bathroom sink. I unclipped it from my site and set about rendering it emergency assistance.

I gently dabbed the water off, taking out the reservior and gel case. I then left it to dry on a towel for 5 minutes whilst I gathered together my entire stash of alcohol swabs. Whilst, thankfully, the toilet hadn't been used yet, my pump still went in the toilet, so I wasn't taking any chances. I carefully swabbed every single inch of my pump, clip and gel case with alcohol wipes. I changed out the reservoir and tubing for new ones.

I finished off by basically bathing in hand sanitiser.

I still felt dirty. I couldn't eat breakfast; I felt so physically ill. In a way, I was hoping for a button error or some other malfunction so I didn't have to clip it back onto me. I began imaging scenarios at my doctors office where he told me that I had aids now because of the short dip my pump took. Somehow I thought aids would be lying dormant in my toilet and would then inch its way up my pump tubing and into the site. Which I know is probably super duper 100% far fetched.

I wasn't even sure I could admit that it happened. Maybe I should just repress my memory of the incident?  Not to be melodramatic, but I wondered if I should join a support group for this. Or go to some counselling. I'm afraid I'll develop feelings of resentment towards Luna. It's probably my fault for calling it Luna. That chick has the worst luck.

I'll never speak of it again. One day I'll be at a diabetic meet-up, or conference or otherwise, and someone will mention their fear that this will happen. I'll catch another pumpers eye and we'll both know that this fear is real and warranted. But we'll never speak of it and will just continue our lives like it never happened.

I'm a 'pump-in-the-toilet' survivor. Look out for the movie deal.

#effyourhealthstandards

Tess Munster somehow made it back to my newsfeed again today. I say again, because she's been there a good part of the past month.

For those who haven't a clue who I'm talking about, Tess Munster is a plus size model who recently got a large modelling contract.

I have no issues with plus size models. I think for the majority of the time, the term plus size is wildly inaccurate, because it basically just means 'average sized human being'. I don't own any fashion magazines and I have no idea what a Dolce and Gabbana is. I don't know fashion. I don't look at fashion. I shop at K-mart. That stuff is cheap and it fits over my butt. Like actually fits over it.

Kmart are pretty good on their advertising. I generally just see healthy looking men and women in their catalogues. In the last catalogue, a model had arm fat. And that's who we should be seeing. HEALTHY men and women in advertising.

Tess Munster is anything but healthy. I do have to give her some props. She is body confident.

Unfortunately she promotes a lifestyle to vulnerable girls who aren't body confident that tells them it's ok to become morbidly obese. She isn't someone who I would want an impressionable young teen to look up to. Neither are stick thin models, but they don't make my newsfeed.

Tess had a lot to do with #effyourbeautystandards. Thats a great movement. But she may as well add #effyourhealthstandards #dieyoung.

I have Type 1 Diabetes, an autoimmune condition that I could not have prevented no matter how hard I exercised or how well I ate. It hurts me so much to see people advocating for unhealthy lifestyle choices in the way that Tess Munster does. #effyourbeautystandards isn't about telling the media that we don't have to be stick thin, with huge boobs to be attractive anymore. It's now about my life, my body, I'll do what I want and what the hell is a carrot?

Tess Munster's social media pages makes being unhealthy look desirable. She's glamorous, eats what she wants wihtout caring and travels the world.  What she isn't sharing on her facebook, or instagram or whatever it is kids are logging into and looking at these days, is the statistics on health issues from morbid obesity. She isn't sharing when her doctors warn her about Type 2 Diabetes, or heart diseae, or cancer. She doesn't share her BMI, or pictures of small cuts that take twice as long to heal with poor circulation. She isn't able to take a picture of her insides and share her possibly hardened areries, or struggling organs with you. She doesn't tell you how long it takes her to walk up a set of stairs, or how much harder she has to breathe to do that.

She's a model. Hello photoshop. I wear a size 12 and I have cellulite galore. And stretch marks. And my curves are sometimes just lumps of fat and not really curves. Tess Munster does not appear to have these. Her curves are smooth, she has no cellulite and where are the stretch marks? At size 22, she has these. What happened to #effyourbeautystandards?

 I wish I could tell her exactly how much she does not want Type 2 Diabetes. Because it's not glamourous. Finding blood all over your hands/legs/face 5 minutes after a finger-prick isn't glamourous. Wincing in pain during needle isn't a great model face. Having to plan your life to a tee to include your diabetes would not make the jet-setting life very easy, I would imagine. It also might be hard to model with no legs. Just saying, as someone who has this secret fear about their diabetes.

I don't wish Tess ill. I don't hate Tess. I just think that Tess should appreciate that as someone who has such a large audience, she should take responsibility of that and pop up a picture of a healthy meal every so often. Or snap a pic mid-work out. Encourage people that you can still #effyourbeautystandards whilst being healthy, instead of using #effyourbeautfystandards to justify an unhealthy lifestyle.