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Monday, 20 August 2012

Now That You're Here

Dear Scarlett,
I know we are not destined to be together for a long time. I must apologise for this, and for using you shamelessly whilst I wait for someone better than you. In the short time that I have known you, you have given me so much more hope and joy than you can possibly imagine. You save my life on a daily basis and words cannot express the gratitude I feel for you for taking on such a burden. 

You have gone above and beyond in making my life so much more bearable. I would be lost without you. I know I couldn't go back to life before I met you. You are there for me through all my hypos, calmly reminding me that I am not allowed to bolus until my BGL in is a better range. Reminding me to test after eating. Doing all the hard maths calculations that you know make my brain hurt. Letting me live just that little bit more freely.

You take away my pain. Promise me just 1 quick injection every few days instead of 5 or more per day. You get it over with as quick as possible, because you know I can't stand to hold a needle in myself for the full time it takes for an injection. And you do it without letting me know. I take a breath in, breathe out and it's over. I'm so surprised it has happened I don't have time to feel any pain.

I want to thank you Scarlett, for being there for me when I needed you most. I have not cried since I met you. I have been happy. Really, truly happy. I feel you have afforded me life again. You allow me to be spontaneous. I was so ecstatic when you let me go to Zumba the other day, without having to think about it first. You just me let me go! 

Scarlett, you will always be the first. I will never forget you, and I know we have many more happy days together before I have to let you go, and take another.


Saturday, 11 August 2012

'Twas the Night Before Pump Start

"Twas the night before Pump Start, when all through the house
Ashleigh was stirring, excited and rouse.
The cannulas were boxed by the front door with care,
In hopes that an insulin pump soon would be there."

Excited and rouse doesn't even begin to cover how overtly stoked I am. I have spent the better part of the week taking out my box of  pump start equipment, excitedly looking it over, handling cannulae sets, and redoing the Medtronic pump school lessons over and over again. When I tire of that I run around the house singing random songs and rhymes, but changing the lyrics so that every word in the song is now 'pump'. 

Every so often I remind myself to stop, take a breath and remember that it can't perform miracles. Although I am hoping for one in the afternoon hypo department. I have found that my car just isn't that entertaining to sit inside for (on average) 1 1/2 hours every few days whilst I wait for my blood sugar to start being driver-friendly. Consequently you will now find that a gameboy advance permanently resides in my glove box. There are also (on last count) 27 assorted flavoured juice poppas.

So tomorrow I guess I will see just how it fares in the 'miracle' department. Short of curing diabetes, anything that makes my life just that little bit easier in the D department is a slyly disguised miracle. Even if I do still have to test (and more regularly on a pump apparently) several times a day, I am so happy to get rid of MDI's (multiple daily injections) and all the pain, pin holes and bruises they accrue. I'm also happy that I don't have to rely on my memory so much. I have lost track of the amount of times I have forgotten my daytime Levemir. Makes for some bad BGLs.

This time tomorrow, I will be blogging with Scarlett by my side. The only challenge now is to attempt to sleep tonight. 

Saturday, 4 August 2012

The Final Countdown

7 Days to go and I will be holding Scarlett in my hot little hands (or stomach). I am so excited! So much has happened to me between making my pump date and now that I haven't really had time to contemplate how this might change my life. Well not that much, but a fair bit.

I got my licence. Go me! This was the 1st thing I have really had to conquer with D. And it was confusing. Especially when I had to explain to my driver instructor why it can be potentially dangerous to let someone with D drive. He didn't understand at all why I needed to show him my medical certificate or why I had to check my BGLs before driving. Which was frustrating, but was a good practice run because my testing officer didn't understand either. So I'm pretty sure I was marked up a few points for BGL testing without being told and being 'safe'.  Now I'm attempting the challenge of wiping out my usual afternoon hypo (which occurs every 2nd, if not every day at approximately 3 to 4pm) so that I can drive home safely every day after work. Which didn't happen for me at all on Wednesday. I ended up having to leave my car at work and call my partner for a lift becasue an hour after initial hypo onset I was still 1 1/2 hours later I was still sitting in the parking lot at work. Reason 1 why I am so damn excited for the pump. Hopefully I can reduce my insulin at this time so it won't happen very often.

Got a cold (not the flu, I got my free jab for that at the start of winter...The only thing D gets you for free). Successfully kept my BGLS between 6 - 10 with minimal extra insulin. Consequently I only felt like crap because of cold symptoms. Supposedly the pump will also help with illness.

Finished compiling my box of 'pump equipment'. Which I open at least once a day and stare longingly at. My partner thinks I am obsessed. I think he is correct. This is also something that the pump should help me with. After a week or so when the excitement has worn off and I am no longer pining after the illusion of the pump.