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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Rainbow Cake

This past Saturday, I made it to a year with D. The plan was to go and get a celebratory helix piercing. I went to the effort of asking the cool kids down at MyD if there was anything I needed to worry about or do differently.  Morty didn't agree, threw a gigantic tantrum, and demanded the intake of enough food to last a large bear through hibernation. With little to nil insulin. I'm attempting making it to the piercists again tomorrow. Shhhh, no-one tell Morty.

After Saturday's explosion he settled down, staying on a happy 5 - 6 the whole next day. I even managed to attend a 2 year old's birthday party, eat pizza (low carb from Dominoes), a slice of this monster, and be on 5.9 afterwards.
On Monday Morty was tired of his good behavior and was back to his usual habits. Trying to sneak highs in when he thought my mind was elsewhere. What Morty doesn't realise is that after a year, my mind is never anywhere else. For the past few days I have had hypos at night, about 1 hour after dinner, after daytime filled with higher BGLs. Another positive for the whole 'lived with it for a year' thing: I can identify that there are different hypos. Daytime hypos feel like death at 4.0 with sweating, shaking, confusion and extreme hunger straight up. Exercise hypos are basically invisible save for loss of eyesight. And after dinner hypos I don't feel until I stand up. . Once I stand up I generally want to die instantaneously. I've usually hit mid 2's and going down hard (all that extra stuff).

Again, last night Morty tried the old after dinner hypo trick. Ivy, my CGM, told me to go check my BGLs because it was reading me as low.  I had JUST eaten dinner and didn't want food. So my lovely, lovely partner forced me to drink juice. It worked a little. Then he had me eat jellybeans. There was 1 left in the packet afterwards. I still felt low, but flatly refused to eat any more of the magical beans on the basis of "My mouth is too tired to chew". So my man picked it up and ate it. Later that night, after I had recovered from my hypo, I felt a desperate need to shame him like one of those dogs whose necks you hang the placard around. It would have read: "My girlfriend had a hypo and I ate her last jellybean". Only unlike the dogs he wouldn't look guilty. He'd be smiling.

So tomorrow I have to remember to buy more jellybeans, which I should have done today when I was buying test strips. Which I discovered I could have had for free because one of the doctors I work for had expired ones in her cupboard. Screw the 2 year past expiry date, I tested them and they worked fine. Probably don't try this at home. I don't recommend it. Always use in stock testing strips. Only problem is, they work for the meter that has just been recalled. Which is my favourite meter EVER. So sad. Maybe I can just refuse to check my BGLs. Or you know, go back to using its predecessor. That might work.

Now all that's left on my 1 year checklist of diabetes is to get Morty back under control and I'm set to go. Where, I don't know. Onward with life I guess. I survived 1 year, whats 60 more? Alot of maths and insulin, that's what.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Harry Potter Meets D

Hugh's brother thinks I'm a diabetic Nazi. This is very likely true. I don't really know how else to be when it comes to my Diabetes. I don't really think that it's fair to expect me just take all the really annoying, critical and misinformed things people say about my diabetes lying down. This will only encourage people to say stupid things. And one day soon, my tolerance for stupid might rupture and smash, and screaming shards of Ashleigh will rain down on all the stupid people who have said or done stupid things in regards to my diabetes.

 I am very assertive when it comes to my D, because I can't escape it. D is like having another, very immature, attention seeking person trapped in my body. Let's call him Shane. Actually my uncle Shane was one of the 1st people to say something incredibly dumb about my D: He told me that I had eaten too much sugar and needed to exercise more. I vaguely wondered whether he realised that I was in better shape than him, or if he had actually met me before. Perhaps my whole childhood was an illusion and we never actually encountered each other. Maybe let's not call my diabetes Shane. We'll call it Morty. Sort of short for Voldemort.

Morty is an ever-present, cruel and twisted person. He took over my body without asking first. Kind of just sidled in there whilst I was sleeping. During the take-over he was subtle, throwing me off his scent by blending his attributes with the familiar side effects of a cold. When he was certain he could win, and that I could no longer fight back he deftly dealt a killing blow to my beta cells, killing them off forever. Making me dependent on his every whim, need and want.

Since that day I have had a very long time to get to know Morty. His childish behavior is worse than that of Brangelina's large and neglected troupe. If you ask him to do something, he may well just do the opposite to prove to you that he's in charge.  I have given him many stern talking-to's about such behavior, to which his reply is a sullen look and pout of defiance. Like any 3 year old, he can be cajoled into good behavior if you give him what he wants for a while. But again, like any 3 year old, he grows bored quickly and its back to the drawing board on how to reign control of him.

Morty is evil and conniving. He's very bad at hiding this and these particular traits of his are as obvious as the lack of conk on his namesakes face (if you watch the special features for HP: GOF Ralph Fiennes refers often to his nose as a conk. Trust me, it's funny). I know exactly when he will attempt to finish the job and am learning the skills to combat these frequent attacks of his. They aren't as sneaky as he thinks they are. I know for a fact he will always try to snuff me out during exercise. This is usually when he calls on his goonies, the friendly guards of Azkaban. I believe JK Rowling directly linked our soul-less mates to depression. I think she's wrong. Doesn't matter that she wrote the books, she's wrong. They are merely vessels for Morty's hypo attacks. You can't tell me I'm wrong - They make you shake, break out in a cold clammy sweat, you become disoriented and confused. Harry Potter even passes out. They make you feel as though there is no hope left in the world. And of course, you treat a dementor attack with chocolate.

Morty is there all the time. When you want alone time, to go to the toilet, have sexy times. He's ALWAYS there. You can throw an invisibility cloak over him for a little while but even if he's being quiet and still Mrs. Norris will still manage to sniff him out, and Filch will come screaming around the corridor and it's all ruined. No quiet time with Morty.

I'm still learning more about Morty every day. I'm also learning that everything makes more sense when everyone and everything has to do with diabetes (Seriously - to the other D's out there you will hopefully understand. Anything that happens EVER can be explained by the person doing the stuff being Diabetic). And if I went to hogwarts I would invent an ever-lasting insulin potion. Or a spell like Carbiuscountius revealio. And if my D really was Voldemort, I guess I would be Harry Potter, my endo and educator Hermione and Ron. Neville is definitely my pump Lewis. And my all-wise, all seeing CGM would probably be Dumbledore. But he dies in the end so I'm not sure what that means.

And I don't think that Harry Potter defeating Voldemort is a cure. I think it just means that I will best Morty yet, and he will just have to take the back-seat to what I want to do in life.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

More Support Than My B-Cup Bra Can Give

Yesterday morning I logged onto facebook at work. (Yes, I'm a little bit naughty like that. But it was technically 6 minutes before my work started). I saw I had been tagged in a post by TJ (the same lovely lady I am doing the fun run with).

I opened it and went into some sort of shock. TJ had signed up to do the jump for diabetes - for myself and all other T1 diabetics out there. She doesn't know anyone else with Type 1. I haven't seen her since before my diagnosis. I don't even know how she knew about this fundraiser! I was and still am deeply overwhelmed by it. I may have cried a little at work. Emily at work might have thought I was crazy, crying at facebook.

I don't really know how to describe what I felt when I read her post. I think it was the singular most beautiful moment since my diagnosis. It was the moment when I knew, really knew that I wasn't in this alone. That people cared. To someone suffering from a chronic illness, this sort of unprecedented support means a lot. Its hard not to feel alienated and a burden to everyone else when your whole life is now incorporated into some disease. Sometimes I feel like my life is this disease constantly. Its an amazing feeling when you realise other people care what you're going through, and you know you can escape for a little while, be with other people and be a normal, unaflicted human being.

It's bizarre the way an illness like diabetes can show you who you can rely on and who your biggest support is. TJ and I have a funny sort of relationship. We can go for many many years with only the occasional bit of contact, a short message to say happy birthday perhaps. But when we reconnect, there never seems to have been any time missed. We can pick up where we let off. She will always be one of my closest friends, no matter how long we don't see or talk to each other. She is an amazing, selfless, giving person, and I will adore her forever.

I don't know how to thank her, whether she raises the money needed or not (although I will try my hardest to help her get there), I am so grateful for what she has given to me and other diabetics already. I am so grateful for her for reminding me that life isn't all chronic illness - its a whole lot of love, friendship and happiness as well. And hope. That one day there will be a cure. When there is, I can turn to TJ and thank her for it.

Jess - love you forever sweetie!!

(PS - anyone wanting to donate can do so at this link: suggested 'The Mona Lisa' - so I'm running with that
Jess & I
Perhaps we need to get some updated pictures!!!