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Monday, 28 July 2014

Position Vacant

Position Vacant: Diabetics Wanted! 
Exciting New Work Available in our Growing Company 'DiabetesCorp'

Who We Are:
DiabetesCorp is a worldwide company, whose stocks and shares are growing every day. 

Our company is a very busy, fast-paced company that's sure to keep you engaged, as no two days will ever be the same, regardless of if you attempt to structure them the same. We have been assured by all our employees that they are never bored.

We are offering a very exciting, confusing and painful position in our global group. Full-time hours are required as we do not offer part-time. Working hours are 168 hours per week from Monday to Sunday inclusive and you will always be on call. You will not get weekends or holidays. We do not offer maternity leave and will ask you to increase your workload once we find out that you are pregnant. Once signed, working contracts are void only by death.

Applicants can be of any age, race or nationality. We pride ourselves on our anti-discrimination policy and we are an equal opportunity provider.

Role Requirements:
To be considered as a successful applicant you will need to possess a hard-working attitude, a willingness to learn and strong self-motivation skills

We require the following to be considered for the role:
  • Maturity beyond your years
  • Excellent maths skills
  • Medicine degree
  • Comfortable around needles and blood
  • Able to handle criticism and stupid comments in a calm and collected manner from everyone you have ever met once they know you work for Diabetes Corp and complete strangers who have no affiliation with the company
  • A sense of humour
  • Able to work on minimal sleep
  • Extremely alert and self-aware at all times
  • Multi-tasker
  • Ability to think on your feet

Position Discription:
Your role will be as a 'Person With Diabetes', the most essential role to DiabetesCorp. You will be required to check blood sugar levels, count carbohydrates and inject insulin several times a day to maintain your job function properly.

A few times a week you will be required to take control of emergency situations. The very nature of the emergency situation will make you feel weak, tired, confused, disorientated, shaky, sweaty and will affect your vision and hearing.

At the end of each days' work, your superior will rip up everything you have done and ask you to repeat the exact same work the next day. This will go on forever; however please note that no two days work will ever produce the same results, keeping you busy and amused.

You will have a meeting at minimum once every 3 months with a company medical official where your progress within the company will be rated.

Very basic hazard training will be provided briefly as your role is very prone to safety issues and injury is not uncommon. 

You will need to supply your own large handbag to carry around all the job-specific supplies.

We Offer:
  • Mental anguish, stress, anxiety and depression
  • the flexibility of multiple office locations, or you can work from home or anywhere else you go as the job travels with you
  • On your initial start up with us required items such as glucometers will be supplied, but all refills and running costs will be at your own expense. You cannot claim these on tax as a work-related expense
  • Great career progression - starting with microvascular complications and working your way up to macrovascular complications. 
  • A Kellion Victory Medal to commiserate 50 years of service
  • Great, friendly and supportive team environment
  • Dental scheme*

We offer an attractive remuneration package costing you between $1000 - $10000 and up every year

If this sounds like a role that would interest you please email us at

*Due to recent policy changes the dental plan is no longer available

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