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Friday, 28 March 2014

Help! I think there's a Diabetic in my house!

A guide to recognising the signs that you may be living with a diabetic

  • You find these babies everywhere: Yes, even in the stove. Or your shoes. Or the clean washing. Probably in your hair if you have dreadlocks. Maybe in your hair even without dreadlocks.
  • When numbers come up in any sort of print or screen media, you see your diabetic smiling or frowning, depending on if it's a 'good number' or not. 
  • You regularly play a game where you guess the amount of carbs shown in anything on T.V or in movies
  • You run out of sugar and your diabetic brings out a stash from their bag
  • Mysterious blood spots appear on crockery items and car steering wheels 
  • Sometimes you wake up spooning a bag of jellybeans
  • At 3am, you hide under the blankets when you hear crazed animal eating noises coming from your dark kitchen
  • You used to have spare storage spaces. Now if you try to open your cupboard, you have to duck to avoid being hit by flying syringes/canula sets
  • There's sugar remnants all over your fitness gear
  • You have more sharps containers and sharps in your house than a needle exchange. And you find yourself explaining to guests that you don't really deal just looks that way
  • ...but your neighbors actually do think you deal drugs because they overhear conversations about getting high and shooting up
  • Every so often the adult you thought you moved in with regresses to the likeness of a 2 year old, demanding to be fed, crying, and unable to speak to you in proper sentences
  • You once hired out and tried to watch the Blu-Ray version of 'Hansel & Gretel'. All of a sudden you felt a massive pain to the side of your head and came to to see a monster screeching and smashing the disc into shards. You then had to pay the video store a replacement fee. 
  • You can no longer indulge in baking cookies laced with poison as the weekly treat
  • The suspect diabetic wears a weird 'box' that they refuse to take off, and it frequently beeps during the night, keeping you up at all hours. The suspect diabetic sleeps through this. You wonder if its perhaps a lullaby-making machine that helps them sleep.

1 comment:

  1. This is adorable Ash, I hope to have a partner one day who loves me like this :) x