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Friday, 26 September 2014

I am so hungry right now

There's a few funny things I like to hold onto from before my life with diabetes that make me feel, well, less diabetic. Normal, in a sense. One of these things was that although I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes over 2 1/2 years ago, I maintained a similar eating regime. I struggled when I was 1st diagnosed to match my food to my insulin, but once my loyal pump came along it was a non-issue and I could go back to eating as I pleased. Which made me feel normal. I already had to test my blood sugars, give insulin in public, so being able to go out with friends and eat what I wanted was great in helping me to feel like diabetes wasn't attached to everything.

Lately, not so much. I don't know if any readers have had this problem, but it seems like all of a sudden, that small grain of my previous life I was holding onto, has slipped out of my fingers and ended up in the diabetes ocean that laps close to so much of my life already.

At first I thought I was getting higher BGL readings from a barrage of illnesses that I managed to catch, one after another. However they went away and my higher BGLs did not. I upped my insulin to food ratio. I upped my basal ratio. Despite that, I found that I could eat only select foods without my BGLs going into a tizzy.

So I increased my exercise from about 40 minutes per day to 1 hour and 30 minutes every day. All it has done is give me hypos at 3am. I haven't even lost any weight.

I am at a loss. The only thing I find now to keep my blood sugar in check is to eat minimal carbohydrate, 30gm for breakfast (whcih is really pushing it), 20gm for lunch and 20 gm for dinner. The sudden decrease in carbohydrates has left me feeling run-down, tired, cranky and I want to cry.

I feel like a failure and a liar. I have spent my time as a diabetic up until now chastising people who tell me "I cannot eat that". Now it seems they are right, and I really can't eat that. I consoled myself that at least, even though I had to have insulin, I could still eat what I wanted. Now it seems I have the worst parts of both Type 1 & Type 2 Diabetes.

I'm at a loss and I want my old life back (see, lack of carbs making me sad and emotional. Next minute I'll pull out my simple plan CDs, don some heavy black mascara, and go sit in front of Hungry Jacks in Queen Street with the rest of the emo kids).

This diabetes thing, it sucks.

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